Life, Love, & Dating Post-30

Cuffing Season is Coming to a Close...Free Yourself

3/6/2019

Is your phone dry? What is a dry phone? I’m glad you asked. Do you hear the crickets? No phone calls; no texts; no DMs? That is a dry phone!
This may be why. Your Love Interest/Cut-Buddy:

1) Found someone they like more than you. (Someone they want a real relationship with for more than just sex.)

2)  They were using you for sex. Dates; to overcome boredom; to cuddle (it's been cold outside from October to March) or to stroke their ego.

3)  They are ready to loose you! Drop you!

4)  They just want to be "single single" and keep their options open.

5) It’s about to be Summer. There will be no Spring because it didn’t come last year! There are only a couple of snow storms left in Winter. Get your sundresses, toes, and new hair ready!

6) You asked for a commitment, or anything, a Valentine’s Day present, dinner, date, a bill to be paid, to meet his or her Mama and friends; and he or she looked at you like “this ain’t that”! You knew what this was! Time is up!

7) They're telling you “it’s not you it’s me”! They’re working on themselves.

So what do you do next?

It’s okay. Get back out there! Try online dating; Tinder, etc. Even if it’s just to lurk and see what’s out there with no real intention of meeting any of the prospects. You may meet a new friend or colleague that way. Hang with friends; work on projects; make money; work; focus on career; Clean yo house! Spring cleaning; go to church; Become a better you; Be celibate/abstinent; Exercise; Work on you!

And don’t be confused when planet Mercury goes retrograde on Tuesday March 5th and your love interest/fling/boo comes back for the next 3 weeks. It’s just to make it through these last couple of snow storms and wrap up cuffing season. Mercury in retrograde will cause communication confusion, texts sent and unsent, words you don’t mean to say, all types of mess amongst lovers, friends, and family, technology, car troubles, accidents, and travel plans. It also can bring in a bit of nostalgia.

Once you are aware of its planetary presence, you can better navigate it and use the time to “Re”. Review, renew, retreat, re-everything. Re-evaluate what you really want next in your life regarding love and your life. Anything new with a new person don’t take it too seriously either. I know from experience. I’ve met and dated a couple guys who I initially met online (POF, Plenty of Fish) during a couple of Mercury Retrogrades in 2017. It was fun and exciting at the time but after the retrograde, the relationships actually took a different direction. It was no one’s fault per say, but I’ve learned to enjoy the nostalgic blasts from the past as well as meeting new prospects; yet not putting too much stock into them either. If the relationships make it past the retrograde time, then you may have a winner! It has been said that you or the other party are not really your true self during these times. I find it interesting that the planetary alignments, moon, and stars really do have an effect on us in ways that we don’t even realize. There is something about the energies and the alignment of the stars.

My best advice is to take it slowly and really get to know the person while continuing to evaluate what you want and don’t want from a relationship. Take a chill pill and get ready for Summer. Go on a retreat post Mardi Gras the Lenten Season (the 40 days before Easter). I was raised Catholic so it's traditional for me to fast or "give up" something during this time. It's a good time to detox or fast from people and food. In this season, get clarity about what you really want from life and love so you don’t get caught off guard when cuffing season returns in October. Hopefully, you will meet your official person or someone who is serious about you and you about them before then! I wish you the best of luck, and I'm praying for your peace. Don't hold on to anyone or anything that's not good for you.

Love,

Dr. Rae

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The Single Struggle...Almost 40

1/24/2019

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Hello Friends, Fans, and Family! Allow me to re-introduce myself to you as a blogger. I started my first blog on love, relationships, and dating ten years ago. I am a veteran in blogging, writing, and of course in being a self-published author of two books on self-love, dating, relationships, and discovering your life’s purpose. I am NOT a dating expert by any means. In fact, I feel that my dating life can serve as an example of what not to do!

DISCLAIMER: If I can be frank with you, which I will never be anything less than authentic; my goal has always been to marry and have 2.5 children. (Not sure what the 0.5 is, a dog maybe). I can’t really say that I’ve come close to my goal; yes even at my “tender” age of thirty-eight years old, ALMOST 40, to be exact! Everyone knows that the age of forty in 2019 is on the cusp of being a millennial but not quite ready for AARP. I’m not exactly sure how all of my friends who are turning 40 this year feel about it, but I just know that I’m almost there and I’m currently mentally preparing myself for it. One friend said don’t rush it. The other said there’s nothing to prepare for; it is what it is. In my mind, thoughts, fee fees (feelings), and brain, I feel that I should be reaching some new level of maturity. Honestly, I feel that this is already beginning to happen. Who are we without growth and change internally? If we aren’t growing spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, then we’re just aging. Just turning another year older yet remaining the same person we were the year before. I want to be 40 and Fabulous! Inside and Out!

One aspect of my journey to 40 is coming to terms with still being single, unmarried, and never married. I’m not saying that it won’t happen before I turn forty, but I just want to make peace with my own internal and external struggles within my singleness. I admire some of the couples who married in their twenties and early thirties who have been able to stay together, and grow and build a life together. I think about the dreaded questions that women and men like me continue to face such as, “Why are you single?”, and “What’s wrong with you?”. It makes us feel like an outcast in society as if something is wrong, and that we’ve made so many bad past dating decisions. I’m reminded that everyone has their own journey and lessons to learn in life along the way.

For me, this is about making peace with myself, my past, my present, and looking forward to my future with hope; while trusting God’s timing and making wiser decisions. It’s going to take some prayer, healing, and discernment. Over the last ten years of my dating life, I feel that I made a lot of bad decisions. No one wants to continue to repeat mistakes of the past. There are singles from all walks of life who feel that they’ve made some unwise choices such as marrying the wrong person and they’re now a divorcee or single parent. We can’t go back and change the past but we can begin to live from today. We can re-assess our goals. I still have the desire for marriage, family, and partnership. At my age, I believe that I must come to terms with the fact that my future love relationship may not develop the way I’d like or be with someone who I don’t expect. This is just a thought. What about you? Do you still desire marriage, family, and partnership if you are almost 40 or over 40?

I feel that some of the struggles of my singleness will be alleviated once I’m married. Two is better than one right? It has to be the right one; the one for you, your best friend and your lover. I know that married people have struggles as well. From my perspective, two incomes are better than one. ;-) I have heard that you can be married or in a relationship and still feel single. I have experienced that as well, but I pray for a spiritually, mentally, and emotionally mature partner.
Let me know what you think of this post! Love you all! God Bless! – Dr. Rae

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