DISCLAIMER: If I can be frank with you, which I will never be anything less than authentic; my goal has always been to marry and have 2.5 children. (Not sure what the 0.5 is, a dog maybe). I can’t really say that I’ve come close to my goal; yes even at my “tender” age of thirty-eight years old, ALMOST 40, to be exact! Everyone knows that the age of forty in 2019 is on the cusp of being a millennial but not quite ready for AARP. I’m not exactly sure how all of my friends who are turning 40 this year feel about it, but I just know that I’m almost there and I’m currently mentally preparing myself for it. One friend said don’t rush it. The other said there’s nothing to prepare for; it is what it is. In my mind, thoughts, fee fees (feelings), and brain, I feel that I should be reaching some new level of maturity. Honestly, I feel that this is already beginning to happen. Who are we without growth and change internally? If we aren’t growing spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, then we’re just aging. Just turning another year older yet remaining the same person we were the year before. I want to be 40 and Fabulous! Inside and Out!
One aspect of my journey to 40 is coming to terms with still being single, unmarried, and never married. I’m not saying that it won’t happen before I turn forty, but I just want to make peace with my own internal and external struggles within my singleness. I admire some of the couples who married in their twenties and early thirties who have been able to stay together, and grow and build a life together. I think about the dreaded questions that women and men like me continue to face such as, “Why are you single?”, and “What’s wrong with you?”. It makes us feel like an outcast in society as if something is wrong, and that we’ve made so many bad past dating decisions. I’m reminded that everyone has their own journey and lessons to learn in life along the way.
For me, this is about making peace with myself, my past, my present, and looking forward to my future with hope; while trusting God’s timing and making wiser decisions. It’s going to take some prayer, healing, and discernment. Over the last ten years of my dating life, I feel that I made a lot of bad decisions. No one wants to continue to repeat mistakes of the past. There are singles from all walks of life who feel that they’ve made some unwise choices such as marrying the wrong person and they’re now a divorcee or single parent. We can’t go back and change the past but we can begin to live from today. We can re-assess our goals. I still have the desire for marriage, family, and partnership. At my age, I believe that I must come to terms with the fact that my future love relationship may not develop the way I’d like or be with someone who I don’t expect. This is just a thought. What about you? Do you still desire marriage, family, and partnership if you are almost 40 or over 40?
I feel that some of the struggles of my singleness will be alleviated once I’m married. Two is better than one right? It has to be the right one; the one for you, your best friend and your lover. I know that married people have struggles as well. From my perspective, two incomes are better than one. ;-) I have heard that you can be married or in a relationship and still feel single. I have experienced that as well, but I pray for a spiritually, mentally, and emotionally mature partner.
Let me know what you think of this post! Love you all! God Bless! – Dr. Rae